CT scan anxieties

My 4th ct scan ever is scheduled for tomorrow.  It has been set for a month now.

The tension is just starting to hit tonight as I reflect on the possible outcomes.   I already have detected a swollen lymph node in the subclavicular region of my neck on the left side.  Therefore, I know it is not going to be a cake walk.  There will be some negative news forthcoming, but I can't  tolerate contemplating that the Tarceva is not working at all, particularly as my left leg looks like I walked through a fire ants' nest with shorts on.  It's great for grossing out your mom when you are back visiting her in Lexington, KY, but not for those wee hours of the morning when you can't get to sleep because it is itching or throbbing.

And I learned that  the ex spousal unit is remarrying.  The happy day is set for August 8, at a lovely outdoor location in Seattle.  It sets the stage for him to run for governor in 2012, if all the entrails are positively read and all the other omens fall in line. Of course, he didn't tell me.  Just as he's never called to express concern as I deal with cancer.  One of those things.  We are both far different people than we were when we married 30 years ago, and when we divorced 11 years ago.  However, our children are wonderful gifts regardless, and I am remain grateful for their existence and presence in my life.

So that's the short skinny of my anxieties.

On the plus side, our DeFeet Lung Cancer team remains the 3d highest fund raiser for the Lung Association of Washington.  Go team!  And thank you so much to everyone who contributed.  This will be fun on Sunday.  Even if it does rain.  More on that later.  And more to post tomorrow on the ct scans, good news or bad.