I went for my 3-month check back with the ENT who had done my laryngoplasty at the end of May. I've held back from talking about this because I wanted to wait until the appropriate time had passed and I'd had a follow-up laryngoscopy to confirm it. So I did those this morning. And it's clear now. I am not getting my voice back in any major way. In other words, I am part of the 3% for whom this surgery really didn't work. Oh, there's a bit more fullness of tone, but no real increase in volume and by the end of the day my vocal cords are exhausted from speaking.
Speaking is what I do as an attorney. There's really no way out of it. I'm in a courtroom or in depositions, or on the phone in conferences. All of which require a decent voice to be heard by the judge, the court reporter, the other attorney, and the witnesses. The news was hard to take. Oh, I could have another injection of Radiesse to see if that would temporarily help things, but it would only last at most 6 months. Or, I could try for a second surgical implant. Dr. Merati told me that of those whose surgery does not work out, about half of them choose to do nothing and half decide to go through with a second surgical intervention. There's only one study out there in the medical journals about second surgeries and its findings were that 10% of those who go through the process again, end up worse than they started while about 70-80% do better. Given that I'm already in the 3% category for 'not so good results,' I am thinking that this is it. End of the road on trying to regain my voice.
Despite my daughter's best efforts to cheer me up and try to tell me that it's not that bad, I'm having a hard time dealing with the reality and finality of the situation. I'm sure that I will eventually pick myself up and get on with things, but tonight I'm feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully, this will not last long.
My apologies to all.