Monday, November 15, 2010
Update November 15, 2010
This is always a balancing act--balancing the efficacy of the treatment, the introduction of a poison to slow or stop tumor growth, against my quality of life. I liken it to peeling an onion, starting with the skin and working layer by layer into the interior. It's a judgment call when to stop, and although I am not there, it is a sobering reminder of the end point of my journey.
We will all die someday, but one way we keep ourselves 'sane,' if you will, in the face of this dread outcome, is not to deal with it, to assume that we will live forever. To constantly reflect on mortality would leave me with an overwhelming fear, and freeze my ability to enjoy each day. As it is, I find my life seriously circumscribed by my loss of voice, so I do have a regular reminder. Just as when I look in the mirror. I try not to let these things bother me, and I've succeeded for many months using a number of distractions, but today it just got to me a little. Damn.